sonnestrahlen

it's already been a week since the winter vaction began , and here I sit and blog, apart from the fact that, i have been doing nothing all this week. All that changed are my workplace, just made myself a cosy place to work and a dirty bed, and the all the stuff lying around in ma room..!!





well, that's what i was all toking abt..!!

the work place is a combination of my lappy with an extended desktop onto the TFT of ma roomie....and the other PC, thanks to narendra, i use that to run all my php applications , as a storage device, to burn dvd's and as a bluetooth interface to my phone.

the bed is whole lot of crappy shit from all over the place.....!!!

and me, i am still running around with my stupid useless brains that only drools..!!!

apart from all my useless work all the useful thing i did was to write myself a 10 page report for my course Three Thinkers and here's all of it...!!

I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me. Once when we were sitting at the bank of river, she filled the palm of her hand with little water and held it before me and said this to me:

"You see this water carefully contained in my hand? It symbolizes love. As long as you keep your hand open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you try to posses it, it will spill through the first crack it finds. This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet their first love....... they try to posses it, they demand, they expect.....and just like water spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you."

"For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature"

The book Love in the Time of Cholera, the author Gabriel Garcia Marquez narrates a amalgam of two contrasting elements – love and cholera. It is a tale of time, love, secrecy, age, memories, death, passion and patience.

Florentino Ariza is a sentimental romantic figure of the 19th century, the time around which the story is set. He being romantic is reflected in the fact that he cannot even write a business letter without certain amount of lyricism in it. He is placed in a position, where he gets rejected by the Fermina Daza, whose father disapproves of their love and she gets forced to embark upon a ‘marriage of convenience’ to Dr. Juvenal Urbino, whose character is the counterpoint to the romanticism of Florentino Ariza.

Love in the Time of Cholera is an “anatomy” of love. Growth of love out of a profane environment of “convenience” that bonds both the Doctor and Fermina Daza described in the book. All the meaningless details of everyday life shared by two people bound together - all the unpleasant smells, degrading tasks, and dulling routines; all the unspoken bitterness and rancour; all the sullenness and gloom engendered by unlived possibilities, are unmercifully catalogued. Love’s power to grow in such dark interstices– and to remain unscathed–is one of the most skilfully rendered theme of this work.

Throughout the book, the author makes several remarks such as :

Sick women live forever

When you are ugly and poor you can only want more

Unfaithful, but not disloyal

Humanity, like the armies in the field, advances at the speed of the slowest.

In the poem Tonight I Can Write… by Pablo Neruda, the poet express his overwhelming sorrow over a lost lover that has prevented him from writing about their relationship and its demise. The poet's constant comparison of past and present show his inability to come to terms with his present isolated state. The sense of distance is again addressed in the second and third lines as he notes the stars shivering "in the distance."

The poet links certain images of nature to his memories and also his past, like he talks about the endless skies and the shivering blue starts in the distance. The poet contemplates the world around him and the nature and all those things around him that remind him of his past love and cause pain to him. The poem charts a love story from the initial infatuation to the release of passion, and finally to a separation.

A Cautionary Tale is a case study of a woman from Why Do I Love These People by Po Bronson. Anne Jacobsen, who before having an affair goes to her husband and asked his permission. It story is all about Anne and her husband Jerome, who try to save their marriage, out which several questions arise – Is monotony to be jus endured? Is romantic love a wild animal?

The fragrance of a bud blooming to a flower ,the pious candle burning to light up a dark corner ,the breeze that blows to rejuvenate a life ,Love.

Love - that’s the essence of life adorns and embellishes it with a meaning, a purpose, a cause, a solution and makes it all together worth living. Love grows, perpetuates, it makes, it gives yet at times it breaks, but then too its love it’s what we desire and what we dream for. The passion of love has enchanted and its enigmatic mystifying beauty has been in glory ever since when the life history begun. It had survived times of had, war misery, catastrophes and disasters, it triumphed over all the averse. Romeo and Juliet and The Gift of Maggi happen to be the ideal examples of infatuation of young minds even today being the classics of love in its most sacrificial and pure form.

Love, when spoken about to a teenager would sound more of a infatuation and attraction, when spoken to a long married couple, it would be about sacrifice, helping and caring for the family, when spoken to a fan it would be the love for the persona, when spoken to a mother, the love is the smile that comes on seeing her the gestures of her child.

Like a morning sun that shines and sparkles, like the oasis of a desert. A mother protects nourishes her child the care and love she showers on him is the blessing of God the child receives in form of a mother.

We waste so much of our time in trying to be correct and perfect and in trying to win the attention and approval of others. The most unfortunate part of it is that those who try to be perfect or virtuous or humanely morale, forget to cultivate the wonderful capacity of unconditional love, which is inherent in us and which if allowed to express itself would enable us to love every one and let go of everything in the most selfless way.

If there is one virtue which we all are supposed to cultivate and manifest in our lives , it is the wonderful virtue of loving every one and every thing that is infused with the wondrous light of God. What is the use of being a vegetarian, or being virtuous, or of being morally correct, if our hearts are incapable of loving the creation of God? What is the use of passing so many judgments against humanity when we are incapable in our hearts of loving humanity unconditionally?

Love sometimes; rather most of the times is just fictitious. Most of the people have feelings for their opposite sex, which they too even are uncertain about.

A smiling woman dressed in pink and gold offers you a sample of cream to try. The jar is gold. The label reads The Love Magnet Cream. You take the cream and inside is a glowing pink love cream. As you open it, you feel a pleasant tingling sensation all over you. You apply the cream all over your body. It transforms your body making it radiate transparent pink, silver gold and all colours. It makes you feel younger, happier, and livelier and makes you more inclined to love, and then you decide to stand up and take the walk.

This is an example of the fictitious love, the woman made you go colours, walks to a middle of the desert and leaves you there. That is how all the relationships born out of fictitious love end up mostly. While at the same time love can be the reason to make a man live from his death bed, it is when it is pure serene and unconditional.

WE all remember the great story by O Henry in which two fatuous lovers in their emotional for each other deprive themselves of their most revered treasures and though ending up empty hands are the richest people who earned the love of their life.

Almost all of us realize the how lonely we are and crave for true love in our lives.
And how lucky and fortunate is it that we can love some one with whole our heart. In present times most of us would regard the Magi as dense and impractical but being guided by mind one can agree to this notion while when we follow the most pure conscience and heart that resides inside us. Yes, I mean everyone of us one can feel how much can be gained even after losing most valuable possessions for some one whose presence can make our heart going ,us blush out with most precious memories of togetherness that bind n yarn the relation of sacrifices of ones desires.

The Gift of Maggi - faded glory

How often do we hear a tale so pure,
blended with true love n passion to adore?
Let me recite you a tale of love n sacrifice,
perpetual n holy it was divinity in disguise.

They say the magi are the wisest,
they gave meanings to traditions,
they were the ones who r reckoned to begin Christmas presents,
n here is the legend of two foolish inamoratas.
Who in their fatuousness deprived self of possessions they were proud since their past (the treasures of the Dillingham's : hair of Della and gold watch of James)

........cascading river of gold rippled her hair like
surpassed her knee when she dried them to James’s delight.
The queen would herself renounce her crown
and depreciate her belongings to her hair when from window long n glittering they fell,
and he took pride when he glinted at that golden stream.

They he believed were the subject of envy of royal regime.
.........and one more grace did adorn their fame,
it was an article could have made King Solomon to make a claim,
James's gold watch with its glittering blaze.
He wore it with most pride.

And this year when the Christmas was approaching,
the "Dillingham’s" were worried with pockets not answering.
Della counted each penny yet again
but never it grew more she did that in vain
a mere dollar and some cents
not sufficient for a decent present
and when she gazed at the grey backyard in its grey melancholy
she sighed n suddenly read a sign sparkling brilliantly
it read it sold hair goods.

She jumped n ran as horses galloped through woods
time passed by on rosy wings.
there she stood her hair cut as a bird without wings
then she flew through every store,
ransacking for the present of her most adored
she finally found one a platinum gold chain,
its chaste design its value did proclaim.

And here came James home at last
On the door he stood immovable and frail
as a setter at the scent of a quail
he stood dumbfounded as if survived of an earthquake
then out of his trance he seemed to wake,
he drew a package out of his coat
for there lay a set of Combs.
for the queen of his heart that was his present
and soon Della knew the gold watch was also absent

There they stood crying out in love
but the sacrifices they made,
an Elysium did they deserve

The mellifluous sounds of love
will embellish for years the chronicle of these fatuous lovers above.

** Dillingham’s refers to the husband and wife they were James Dillingham Young and Della Dillingham Young

In the book Love in the Time of Cholera, Florentino gets attracted towards Fermina, the first time he sees her, when he goes over to their house to deliver a telegram to her father. He later realizes he’s in love with her and starts his life as a secret hunter, following Fermina wherever she goes and waiting for her on a bench in the park through which she passes through, on way to the school. He slowly starts writing her letters, which were exchanged from secret locations, know only to them. He always sat in the park, reading books on poetry and prose waiting for her. Meanwhile he read so many books and they both exchanged so many letters that, even after he was given the job of a clerk in his uncle’s river boating company, he continues to write the business letters in the lyrics of a love letter.

Florentino was completely involved with Fermina, though she never completely expressed her love for him. Out of their adolescence, they plan to get married secretly and then later tell their parents. But, Fermina’s father accidentally comes across the letters they both had written to each other, stored in Fermina’s trunk. And then he takes her away to their native place, in order to change her and then persuades her into getting married. Fermina slowly starts realising and gives into marrying a Doctor- Dr. Juvenal Urbino.

They begin their life as the wife and the husband, while Florentino waits for Fermina to return, he keeps track of her, while she was away by his network of telegraphic operators in the region. He keeps writing letters for her, which he never hands over to her, but to keep his love preoccupied with something. His mother tries to persuade him to see new girls, but he could never sustain a relationship with any of them, most of which always ended as one night stands. His life goes on, he slowly moves up the positions in his uncle’s river boat company and becomes the President, after his uncle retires. He gets involved with many women but never stays on with a single woman for long to sustain a relationship. Most of the women he loved were widows.

After the accidental death of Dr. Urbino he starts seeing Fermina, and their love is reborn, they meet every week to play poker along with Fermina’s son and a few others. As Fermina longs to go out, Florentino plans a trip on a luxurious boat, on which only Fermina and Florentino would travel. Along the way they see a lot of death and dead forests and many unpleasant scenes. Their loves grows more even at their old age, and love each other’s company. And when it was the time to return, Florentino, in order to avoid any cargo or other passengers, asks the Captain of the boat to raise a yellow which indicated that the boat was contaminated with Cholera. He buys himself a lot of time for them to be together alone.

Unfaithful, but not disloyal

Florentino lived in the illusion of love, he was obsessed with it. He loved Fermina so much that he could not forget her, even after he had affairs with lot of women. He was a womaniser, but the fact he loved Fermina never changed.

We are programmed to into believing that we are insecure in this world without our partner and that’s inherent in most of the living creatures on this earth. Most of them look for a partner in hope that the partner would supplement and support them in physical, mental, emotional, material and spiritual needs.

The more mature we are, by the time we decide to enter into a relationship, the more likely we are to find the harmony and the stability we desire. In general, we are attracted to persons who share the same kind of interests, values, motives and goals, and above all think at the same frequency we do. The values and the goals one holds in their adolescent age are not the same as their ultimate goals and values, and in the process, one changes through the years that go by. Entering into a relationship at early ages can create problems as the partner cannot cope with the changes in us and it’s most likely the relation ends in a disaster.

We exhaust our partners with our need of continuous reaffirmation of their love. We doubt ourselves, out love towards other sex. We easily fear losing others respect, love and admiration. This leads us to certain apprehensions which develop into possessiveness, jealously and aggressiveness.

Apart from the above all Fermina still loved her family and her children, she never ignored any of her duties as a wife and as a mother. She served Dr. Urbino as a faithful wife, even after Dr. Urbino cheats on her. The same is the case with Anne, in the case study A Cautionary Tale, where she longs to have a sexual relationship out of her marriage, but is still dedicated to her husband and her children.

Here the character of Dr. Urbino is analogous to Anne, they both have a sexual relationship outside their marriage, the only difference being, Anne strangely ask her husband’s permission to do so, while Dr. Urbino maintains it as a secret, until Fermina finds it out slowly by the change in his daily routine, behaviour and the odour of his clothes. Both of them have the sense of responsibility as a member of the family and so do not desert their partner and children. It’s the love for their family that binds them together. They just seek physical pleasure outside their marriage, because they are just bored of their monotonous lifestyle, which they wanted to change. But, they understood the monotonous lifestyle is something that is inherent in their life and they cannot change it.

When you are ugly and poor you can only want more

The speaker in the poem Tonight I Can Write… digs back his memories of his love and longs for the presence of his love and so is the speaker in the poem I like for you to Be Still. Both the poems talk about the person they are longing for and whom they want to be there. In the former poem the poet is sad at the absence of the person he loves and compares the absence with different elements of nature. In the later poem the speaker describes his feelings, for the person’s presence in his life.

Similarly Florentino longs for Fermina. Neither his illusion of love nor obsession for her doesn’t disappear even after she’s married and so does the fact that she is a wife of another man, makes no difference to him. He longs to see her at public gatherings and parties.

And so does Anne, who longs for sensual pleasure. She lived in an illusion that she was living a monotonous life and wanted a change.

Finally, Florentino gets to live with the woman he loved for his life, love for her for her was an illusion, and he was obsessed with love for her. He was able to express his love to her but, it took him fifty three years to able to reach her and express his love for her. Apart from the fact that Florentino was able to get his love, he had lost an important period of life, wasted with women and waiting for his illusion to turn into reality.

But, Anne whose feelings for a sensual pleasure were also illusory, she gave in to them, but later had to realise the truth and had to get back to her life and her responsibilities as a wife and mother.

It's being three long years and there I am back to my form AGAIN..!!!

back to rock n rooolll..!!! heeeya.!!!

it's again holidays and this time it's different, m staying back in the college n m gonna contribute something thing to the world,

well, thats something at least wht i have been thinking till now..!!

spent the first days of holidays trying to complete a long pending assignment...and well, its as always like placing unbearable load on tortoises...we slog, the whole of sem and them sweat the shit at the end..!! :(

now as well, m back, will be posting regularly..!! :D

................................i would be flying a few inches away from the ground having myself kicked, tossed and and n n .......But, here sit in some lonely

isolated place under the sweet moonlight, mosquites buzzing all over, and some sweet voices far away, the some insects making their sounds and all i long for

are some lonely peaceful moments, hoping no body spots here.

Another few more minutes i wud have completed a 20 yrs of my life span, [technical it's 12 more hours away from now].

20 yrs is quite a long time, for me with some faded memories dating back to my lowerkindergarden days and lots and loads of them from the years of my life that changed me, completely. I don't know how meaningful my life had become in these years.

But certain things have changed in me over these 2 years of my graduation, I changed, realised fliped over again and again. There always have been two sides of speaking at the same time. The choices i made, i decisions i took, things i did, changed me, made me learn, learn a lot a LOT, and the people i met here.....people i love...now mean much more than anything in my life.

Ever since my childhood, life meant nothing to me, all i knew was to go to school, listen to the teacher come back, play play n play....n rarely used to complete the homework, tht too when my mom used to push me around to complete it. Entering into junior school, life changed a bit had more to read. Being in Calcutta fr an year was a different time for me. I had no friends, really no friends, not even a single one, who said a 'Hi' to me, atleast once a day. Used to go to school at 5 in the morning, was back home usually by 9. :D. Spent the rest of the day hanging onto the grill in the verandah, starting at the vehciles and people passing by. Went for walks in the evenings, wih mom. Spent the weekends shopping or going around on our lille scooter.

Later moved to "Navi Mumbai", and so a new school and had a new set of friends and also a few enemies from the Marathi Medium of the same school. As usual went to school, listened to the teacher. And the interesting part being the noon, when our school closed and the Marathi Medium school began. We picked up fights jus fr the heck of it, and to prove that the English Medium's always better than their's. By the time we got into serious fights, i changed the school. The new school - J.H.Ambani was intially in bunglows, and was later moved to big complex. Had the best times of my life, the teachers being the best, i ever learnt from. A few liked me, a few had an idea that,i too was one among the useless crappy guys in the class. Well, my progress cards always told tht.

I always had an unique reason for not performing well in the exams, which was unique only to me. After 2 years, was pushed into a girl dominated section, where i was the only fortunate guy, but my ego lasted only for a few months, after which i was forced to have a girl benchmate. Thats because i was always thrown out our science class for laughing and nt concentrating , even though i somehow managed to answer whtever i was questioned on. Evenings i cycled around the town lived in, played some gully cricket or raced down the Expressway [ya, the present Mumbai-Pune Expressway], fortunate enough, for never i had any brusied elbows or knees. The 'coz of the 'Ranger Swing' i owned those days...:D...... 8th class was quite a hectic year, where fortunately/unfortunately we had to appear fr DAV public board exams.

In the months in between, it was decided that i would be sent to Andhra for my high school, thats because i had to have the nativity of Andhra, to be eligible to get into the REC's - the AP quota in them.

Soon, my golden days ended, had to leave behind all my frnds and crushes ;) and all the stupid and grt ppl. i ever met.

Soon the summer came and went, and in June, 2000 i was in a ICSE affliated school in a small town, Machilipatnam. Well, i was the guy from "Bomaby", which made people stare at me, the moment i steped into the class. a few weeks down the line, i got adjusted, dropped my English tounge and started off with the telugu slang. The teacher's were surprised with the pace i picked up telugu. The english i happened to drop at tht point of time, i was never able to get back to it again.

Here i saw people, like vampires hungry for blood. I tried to be a cool dude, but was pushed and forced into the system, and it was then i started studying, the typical way of mugging. Though was never good, at it. Somehow managed myself for the 2 years. The last few months of the 10th class i was down with jaundice, loosing around 20kgs in jus a week, and was down for around 2-3 months. By, the time i was back in school, i had to appear for pre-finals, there i shot up, being the first in the class and the 2nd being too far frm me, and the entire school(atleast some 4-5 classes down in the line) was shocked. Last time i shocked the entire school, was back in Ambani in 8th class, when i happened to score 2/100 in Sanskrit in the half yearly exams. And the teacher that time had no words fr me, i knew that 2 marks were on my answer sheet jus fr the heck of it.

Somehow managed to get some good marks on my gradesheet in the 10th. But, the teachers and ma parents were of opinion, i could have scored better. Ah, thats always the case.



And then came the residential school, me had fun, while most of the people, who had studied there complain of them. There i got used to get beaten up nearly everyday by the warden for sleeping, chatting, laughing in the study hours, where i was supposed to study, rather say mug up the text books. This happened for the first half of the year, for the another half, i picked up fights wid the warden who alleged me of LOOKING at the girls in the other section. While, it took me nearly a month to realise what actually he was accusing me of. Spent most of the day either sleeping or playing some stupid paper games.

IIT didn't interest me much, so i jus slogged in the campus, pratically doing nothin, while ma best frnd was busy with the IIT preps, i decided not to disturb him. While some others hoverd around him, being jealous of we being the best frnds....So, mostly used to spend time, my way.

Second year, i moved to the elite campus. :D, the second best set of ppl. after those who prepared fr IIT. But, factually, I again, never used to study the way i should i have being. But, always ended up asking the campus in-charge for our quota of bi-weekly movies that were supposed to be screened.

The in the end before i was to write the entrance exams, i started preparing seriously, it was jus some 3 odd months of effort i had put into the preparation. the rest of 2 years i spent, i jus slogged n gt bored and bored ppl. around me... :D


Somehow i managed to score 903/1000 marks in the 11th and 12th public exams, this score is way tooooo LOW. and the state engg. entrance gt some 1800 odd rank in the state. and finally aieee gt some 5700 odd rank. well, again my parents n all my relatives told me i could have done better. Ya, fr aieee i could have, if that damned examination center had driking water and the facility of toilets.

Wasn't fortunate enough to get into a decent enough REC, but was fortunate to get into the place where i am now. Is atleast worth the 3 months of effort i had put in.


2 years, here, and here i am changed completely from wht i was jus 2 years ago....n frm wht i was a few more year down the line, tht wasn't me then.

wht i am now, is wht i am....................

aha.....

been long since, i was last here...!!

all these days, hmm...i was busy with the classes, and tht tuts and the labs, though only a minuscle fraction of my attendence was worthy enough fr me to learn something....!!! most of the time, i doze off in the lectures, and in the only tut we have, i wonder wht all shitty crap has the prof being teaching all these days, and the labs well, they are something where i, rather we try to complete the prac. and get the hell outta there...!!!


phew .....crap............!!


rather, having me being spending most of time idling, thinking of wht to do next, with a loads of pending work to be complete...some responsibilities, that keep coming back n back.....!!

have spent some time trying to learn a few concepts, as usual landed up wid grasping a few of 'em, a much much more of them, compared to wht i knew all these semesters...!!!

the rest of the time either i spend the time in front of ma lappy or ma new obsession..ma new phone - SonyEricsson z550i . eventually, i always end up idling along.....waiting for someone to chat along...except the times i get to spend a few lonily hours concentrating on something i am interested in...!!


have been planning to start a project, tht's supposed to reduce some simualtion times ....but, the it still linger's around in the dust, yet to take a proper shape.....
and so does my drafts, a lot of incomplete crappy posts tht i have being writing, all of which i happend to delete, bfor i started this..!

on the other hand, life keeps treating me unfair, certainly in the most stupdios aspects, which, i suppose are the kinda important...as they keep me occupied most of the time.

while i try to STUDY...[:(], something or the other pops up AGAIN, in my brains which again keeps me busy fr sometime, blacking out ma grey cells. By the time they get charged again, an assignment pops up, along wid and submission, ocasioanlly followed by an viva, supposedly taken by a grim looking T.A..... :D

n this peice of shit took me 3 days to complete..!!!

...today while i was searching for my snail mails in the letter boxes, a voice - 'Sir' comes from my behind. I turn around to find a fresher standing next to me, with a notebook in his hand. He introduces himself, givin his hand forward fr a hand-shake.

Well i was wondering what kind stupid things, i would be asked about....n then he shoots - "Sir, i have this ruled book, with ruled pages on both the sides, do i have to write my lab records in this book?" .

I then ask him, for course does he want to write the lab record, for which he answers that it's BEC.
I again reply that he can write the lab record in that very much book of his.

But again he says - "Sir, but were told to write a book that has white pages on one side and rules on the other..!!" eagerly showing me the pages and explaining wht he was intending to say, i nod indicating that i understood him.

And then again he asks - 'Sir, where can i buy such book?' ....that was what i was looking for...

I explain him the way to the book store n tell him to get one frm there......!!!!


And somewhere while coming back to my room, i find another fresher tell my senior that the equipment in the labs ain't good enough, as it took them very long to complete the BEC lab...!!!


well...these are the FUTURE..!!!

....finally spared some time to key down something here..!!

from da past 10 days i have been in bombay...!! reached after the aftermathh of "11/7"...frustated with the kinda hype the media has made about the things and the developments happening around..!! well..tht's the lille part..!!




the recent developments around me...!! phew..!!

ma tummy few more inches...! :(




shopped around da day after i landed here.....the malls here...da same ol' time..completely jam packed...really in mumbai life goes on...!!

met the ol' school frnds...most of them, didn't change much except fr a fat chubby gal..whom i remember sitting nxt to me in da 5th class..!! now...she's different ...changed.....she was da 1st one i ever saw who had changed a lot...a real lot...frm being a fatso to a hot chick...!! ;)

the same day had ma car bumped by some ol' man..who was not able to push the brakes harder...n had to stop by kissin ma car...the poor thing gt a dent in da back..!!

n da bombay rains...no matter they always get worse....for the past 12 yrs, every year it's always the same or even worse thn the previous year...
during ma early years in bombay i was dumbfolded by the way of rains here...but slowly me too learnt the way of life here...

no matter wht happens...children go to schools...dads go to work...moms too...or else do their household chores n stuff...n the life goes on...!!

....for all those who are learning to drive and are planning to do so......


me wud be telling frm the prespective frm a new beginner..so dont get frusto abt fews things i mention...

• firstly, get ur concepts clear about the RELATIVE postions of the clutch, brake, acc. pedals and the gears and also the other small controls(they aren't imp at this point of time...)
  
  
• second, get acquianted to the gear pattern, mostly it's same for all the cars, unless u wanna drive a ambassador or a fiat. but, they too these day are getting modified to suit US...jus get into the car, jus press down da clutch and try changing the gear one after the other.....frm the lowest to the top most.
  try simulating real time situations like, wht wud u do if u happen to slow frm da 4th gear...or if wht if u wanna pick up speed quickly....n so on...how?? wait....go on reading...
  
  
• then starting learning to control the clutch and the accelerator simultaneously(without starting the engine), actually it takes time n practise to coordinate the legs simultaneously.....but if u still find it difficult, try using ur hands..!!!! :P probably u can choose among the best among the worse.
  
  
• then move on to brake and clutch, this most the practical part, u wud be learning on road while driving...so jus practise switching between the brake and the acc. pedal.....n if u ponder how, well u can't jus have both of them at once, so it's either the brake or the acc...
  
  
• next most imp. thing is the properly push in the key into the proper place and again remember where actually is it....bcoz there wont be enough space in any car for u to bend over n push over ur head beside the steering column to look for the ignition....!!!
  see to it tht the gear is in NEUTRAL, and the swtich to ON....stay there fr a few seconds say 15-20 secs...depends on da car....and then IGNITE..! :D
  
  
• well, dont rush to dash off....u will never be able to.... !! switch to the first gear n start implemention ur practise lessons..!! :D
  
  

well, reach this state....more lessons to come....!!

jus happend to find these in the ol' archive

the hols have ended many a few days ago....

but, here i am still guled to the pc...browsing n surfing thru all kida stupid stuff here and there...

my daily routine keeps changing daily...


...one fine day i decide to start studying....
...another day i decide to go to gym....
....some other day i decide to grow my hair....
... on a tough day...i finally decide to stop all my work - all the xtra curricular things i was into,

infact i was n still am given deadly warnings against me getting into any kinda organisation..
with an exception to a few of my previous commitments, the few of which i select..and also have....


dropped off my VOLUNTARY job wid the library.....going to keep me off frm da next year's annual festival[if tht happens to be.....]...and also the vlsi conference in dec....
but gonna attend the one in jan in ba'lore, if lucky enough to get a fellowship......
n am gonna stick to da vlsi grp's website n....umm...n ya...the placement cell...


a few days back, finally, had my lappy ordered....wud be arriving here shortly....

well it's a Dell Inspiron E1505, a petty cheap bargain....gt it for around 960$, which every peice of it....tht amounts to nearly 45K rupees...

the configuration goes this way....

• Intel® Core™ Duo processor T2300E (2MB Cache/1.66GHz/667MH) [da latest in da market..still donno abt the performance....]
  
• 15.4 inch Wide Screen XGA Display [fr privacy..ppl. can peep frm sideways....]
  
• 1GB Shared Dual Channel DDR2 SDRAM at 533MHz, 2 Dimm [equivalent to a 2GB RAM, and normal regular RAM's clock at around 350MHz]
  
• 60GB 7200rpm SATA Hard Drive [one usually gets a 5400 rpm hard disk wid lappy's]
  
• 8X CD/DVD Burner (DVD+/-RW) with double-layer DVD+R write capability [fr da future storage technologies....hehee...i too donno..wht it means to be a double layer capable write capability]
  
• 128MB ATI MOBILITY™ RADEON® X1300 HyperMemory [explosive combination wid da RAM]
  
• Intel PRO/Wireless 3945 802.11a/g Mini Card (54Mbps)
  
• 85 WHr 9-cell Lithium Ion Primary Battery [more than 5 hrs of mobile hrs...]
  
• Swiss Gear MAXXUM Backpack - Red Fits Notebooks Up to 15.4-inch [geninue Swiss stuff....]
  
• Genuine Windows® XP Media Center Edition 2005

but on da whole wud be quite heavy one....

finally, got my baby i kept dreaming of...

.....this is the course for which i had jus scribbled some dreaded answers, in the worst handwritten i ever used...!!

god bless the examiner wid a good pair of sharp eyes !! :D

i jus happen to wonder WHY do we need to learn this database management systems???

we, the so called the youth or the regular teenagers and the post-teenagers are, probably have a better, DBMS's that the complexicated crap being taught!!!

Most of the people have this 'database' of all the 'girls' around, which includes everything ranging from the foot wear used to the hair dye used of each of the gal.
While others keep track of the movements of the certain people....

a few others, like a highway camera...scan down every bit of information of all the people around him/her, ranging from the their body language to the walking style and most of all the every minor details.

aren't these people collecting, processing and storing the information around, don't they have a database system of their own???

probably the one that up there, in our brains is better normalised and the best optimised that all these damned things we have learnt(except me!!!)

the computers must be taught these systems rather we being taught those damned computer systems...!!n tht's where, the concept of Artificial Intelligence comes in... ........

me already into being a half and engineer !!!

AGAIN sucessfully screwed up the 1st 2 exams !!!

damn,....i knew everything tht was asked...but somehow couldn't answer them!!

well, tht wud be the all time answer frm most of all....but NTme....i really didn't have ane clue abt wht the proff. was upto !!!

today somehow managed to crack down some probs....but really, it didn't work out...
messed up with the units..!! :(

and now got a 3 day long break !!! bfor i frown my face again!!.....
planning to read some thing atleast to keep me floating above.....






the dreams from the last few weeks have been hauting me a lot !!!

i always keep dream of the same things again and again .....!!


once it's like a something falls right frm the sky...n hits me...on my shoulder.....
n my hand falls apart n slings off....

n sometimes it's like me driving straight into some heavy vechile n blowing off my brains !!!

n next...

it's always the same...

some stupid idiot wakes me up !!!!




but wid all these i wonder how it feel to be like dying.....
on a hospital bed...holding the hands of someone u love more than everything....!!!
n
the desire to live next to ur love....
the desire to live, jus to hold tht hand fr more minutes.....
the desire to have the love, u always had !!!

and at the same time...

it wud feel like to die....to be unable to bear the pain...
u wud like to die...
for the all the sins/mistakes u have done....
for the hurt u caused to the ones who trusted u n loved u......


but still......

one should always choose to LIVE....no matter wht happens...no matters wht takes u out...
u gonna live fr everything u have and to get back everything u have lost !!!

ishaan says i am tagged !!!


so,

seven things

.............i wanna do bfor i die

1). ...someday tell the world that....ppl......i am better than the muggers out there!!!
2). ...close down the f***ing residential colleges and IIT coaching centers..everywhere!!!
3). ...stand up in between a lecture and make the sucking proff. realise that he sucks!!!
4). ...keep running on and on and on..till my frustation with life's off !!!
5). ...go on a road trip to the most beautiful place.....
6). ...tell her how much she means to me...n how much i love her !!! ;)
7). ...tell many a people..."asshole...u loser....*&%^&$^%$*&(*)!(*)!&#@!"!!!



.............i can do

1). ...listen paitently to any kinda crap....
2). ...can sit for hours before the computer, jus to complete a stupid peice of work...!!!
3). ...keep on orkutting, chatting and blogging fr hours at a stretch !!
4). ...listen to a song ane number of times....
5). ...come up wid a solution for every problem.....but later it turns out 2 b crap...but thts different story!!!
6). ...keep a big database of everything tht happens around...
7). ...keep secrets.....


.............i say the most

1). ...the 'f' word...
2). ...umm...errr.....probably...
3). ...take care....
4). ...hi.....
5). ...doodh....(tht's dude...nt "milk")!! :P
6). ...niiee....(a prolonged version of 'u' in telugu!!!)
7). ...


.............i can't do

1). ...take care of myself....
2). ...STUDYING...
3). ...complete a project/assignment well bfor the dead line....
4). ...write legibly....
5). ...propose to a girl...!!!
6). ...start a conversation....
7). ...say 'no' when i ought to say it....

.............tht attract me to the opposite sex...

1). ...lips...
2). ...flubby cheeks...
3). ...smile...
4). ...sense of humor...
5). ...eyes....
6). ...commonsense....(most of them don't have it !!) :P
7). ...the attitude of those who move out in the scorching heat without using tht stupid chunni...!!!


.............celebrity crushes

1). ...madhubala...
2). ...drew barrymore...
3). ...priety zinta...
4). ...meera jasmine...
5). ...charlize theron..
6). ..Kamaline Mukherjee (heroine in telugu 'anand')
7). ...the one in the album 'mallika i hate u'...


finally, seven people i wanna tag...!!!!

1). Ujjwal
2). Rahul Bhaskar
3). Richa
4). Sid
5). Umang (saale....u gotta start a blog now!! :x)
6). Bhargav
7). Harsha

i jus started my new photo blog

chk it out!!

All the things i did have bought me a lot many other things tht i am now into......


Me getting into this college and this campus, have changed me a lot from what i was before, my perpectives changed, my views on life changed and me changed completely.......!!!

later me got into the film club and then from there i moved onto synapse. the whole of first year was fun working wid tholia n mayank bhayya and ujjwal n rest of them....
with synapse, i learnt to shoulder responsibilites....

later synapse i started to work on the upgradation of the squirrelmail, our webmail!!!, along with atishay bhayya, though i hadn't done much of work in it....but prathyush, did a lot of work on it!!!
the same time i was elected to the annual fest committe....along with it came in the responsibility of Synapse 2006...!!

It was a hell of a semester for me....with the meetings and the regular blabber we uesd have even for the smallest thing....
Same time, in the 3rd semester i was also into student goverment's constitution drafting committee and also tholia bhayya caught me for the same film club's constitution...!!!!

i also had to make the website fr synapse and that was another of a task to me...!!
we, ranjit and i utimately ended up wid one....and i still love tht thing, though ppl. complaint tht it is bad....the more worse being i had to create every html page of the website....i thought of getting some juniors, but later dropped tht idea....!! [me selfish!!!]

the whole of the semster went on with late night discussions and bakar.....n ultimately i screwed up big time and ended up with heavy grades!!!! and again it was a hell of time at home in the winter vaction...!!!!


then came the 4th semester and deadline for synapse ticked and everyday was something or the other.....putting up fights wid the admin and faculty fr resources which we gt in meagre amounts!!! and that taught me one good thing....whose who in the campus....the admin block's full of empty brains tingling each other....including the boss and this damn secretary....

synapse came and went....i over strained myself and i myself was out of mind for a long time, screwing up things big time...hurting those close to me...and ultimatelty ended up with me losing everything, and the only thing i ever loved!!!

synapse was better that previous year's in terms of participation and few other factors. and we got again screwed up big time when the day before the synapse the sponsors back out and an amount of nearly 2 lacs is outta our plan and budget....n later the fest we get another shot of 1.5 more lacs....!! and phut!! there we go for a six..........!!!
ujjwal went brain dead, obviously the guy who manages the finances can't take in this big a shot, certainly not at this level, where we stand as students!!!
we the small grp of us...were standing in the middle of road tht took us no where...we stared at each asking ourselves....wht do u do now?? WHT WILL U DO?????!!!!

and on the other side...i was disturbed after i had met a big time arsehole - V.P.Singh!!!
i was frustated and angry on everyone and everything,....and it was at this point of time i did real bad...ended up saying something to someone...which i ought should not have done, and of which i am still guilty!!! i was not even able to devote enough time, to set things right and i ended up being a losed!!!


later these days, i jus ask myself why did u do tht?? WHY U ASSHOLE!!
now, i am not able to reassure people that i am the same old ravi!!




and after synapse.....

somethings good started happening, which i was not able to appriciate...fr me being in depression abt tht things tht happened to me...!!!

manu rastogi, had me...and asked me to make a website for the vlsi grp of the college...!!
and his advice influenced me a lot!!

then later somehow our librarian, caught me and asked me, if i can maintain the website for the library and it was a 'yes' from my mouth!!! now whenever i get a mail from him...it implies tht my 2 hrs go in waste....the current website is so damned, tht i takes hours jus to update a few things......

and the lastest being prathyush too asked me, if i can work for the website for vlsi design and embedded systems conference website, and there again came a 'yes' frm my mouth!!

in between this semester i also managed to do a few more websites...

intranet, which never went up...
placement, jus the layout structuring and stuff..
college main website...the same layout structuring and stuff....still needs to be approved!!!

and recently...the new responsibilty i took upon,- the PLACEMENTS!!!


and the consequence of where i am is, i had learnt a lot, a LOT.....and the trust ppl. have in me means a lot to me!!!

sometimes i feel like....did i really give up everything i loved, to be wht i am now!!! is it worth giving up the best part of your life, something which u love more than anything else...!!!

for certain reasons i regret the past....and for few little reasons i don't !!!

whenever i open the almriah in the TV room of the Film Club,
my hands get itchy and the eyes get greedy...

the collection of the movies there, brings out the greedy me, out!!!
and always it's a tough time to control myself from laying my hands on that collection...

it just feels like grab them all at a time and take them away....

but, the thing tht holds me back are the principles and the legacy that tholia bhayya laid down here...!! i really respect tht a lot!!

i miss the sweet talks we had, with our cheeks going flubby and round, everytime u laugh..
i miss the name 'gibbon', which u used to call me, i miss the love and affection in tht...
i miss the few 'ra', which came rarely out of your mouth...
i miss the time when i used to eagarly wait for ur mail, staring at the window to turn "Inbox(1)"...
i miss the countless walks we had, kicking around the stones...
i miss the days, when we walked down the road again and again and.....talking abt all the stupid things in the world and laughing to the hearts content....

i miss the days, when we sat under the tree playing around with the dry leaves n twigs lying all around...
i miss the dew on the leaves, along the road, of which i used to collect and splash them onto u!!
i miss the cute and lovely moments when u used to frown for petty little things...
i miss ur lovely cute little expression on ur lips that, u used to put fr "i donno"...
i miss the warmth of the frndship, that u gave me, whenever i was down!!
i miss the encouragement, i got for everything i did!!
i miss the times when i used to hear 'ravi,.....' in the most sweetest tone!!

now..

when i walk down the road and when i turn to say something, i realize i am walking ALONE.....n would be all alone...forever...and it pains a lot miss the one!! the pain makes me to hate, but still there's a lot of love somewhere, which keeps me going!!!

People Envy Your Compassion

You have a kind heart and an unusual empathy for all living creatures. You tend to absorb others' happiness and pain. People envy your compassion, and more importantly, the connections it helps you build. And compassionate as you are, you feel for them.

back to the blogging times in the DBMS lab....

Back to the college after a 4 day break ..

back home, i spent the days eating and sleeping..those were the only things i did all the day around....
and also the damn 5 hr power cut, runied my sleep everytime!!!

yesterday, was another stressful day!!!

i forgot all my things to done, back home.....on the sunday morning i had to go for my eye check up and then had to run to get the spectacles made......

later had to pack my things...and had to convince mom to allow me to take the digi cam to college....phew!! tht was the most difficult thing....finally settled down before the TV to watch a movie when the power was again out!!!

had a short nap....

The train in which i got my ticket reserved was to depart at 2100 hrs....
me planned to start at 1900 so tht, even if the traffic's high i would reach Bandra on time...

but the damn traffic was stuck right from Kharghar....n lost 30 mins there....then another damned junction SION.....here, it took an hour to get out of the traffic.....
jus caught the train a minute before it departed, but was happy tht i could get onto the train somehow.....

Later, climbed my berth and went to sleep at around 2130 and in the morning when i got up it was 0730 and the train had already crossed Ahmedabad.

The first thing to come out of my mouth was - f***in f***!!!

Later, i was reassured by the co-passengers that, i need not panic, i can get down in the next station - Kalol and go to Gandhinagar by bus, a 45 min journey.


Today, during the journey from Kalol to Gandhinagar, i had the view of the Gujarat countryside.... It mostly resembled the country side back at my native place....

Wat is COLLEGE LIFE?
Those "night outs" those "mid-night teas" those "B'day bumps" ;
"old torn jeans" those "late night walks";"long chats";"pinches & slaps";
"crushes on pals...N fightin 4 'em"...."falthu jokes";"bunkin classes";
"calculatin attendence percentage.......copyin in teste & assgnmts";
"gettin kicked out of classes";"struggle 4 marks";"writin on desks";
"fightin with profs";"pranks on frndz";"those B-grade films....."

..........jus everything........DATZ COLLEGE LIFE----------I CALL IT AS 'HEAVEN'


College life...the late mornings u get up..the late nites u go 4 coffee.......gosssips with frnds sitting together....the time spend in the restaurants....the rush 2 cinema theatres.....the slam books u write.....the hearts that u knock.......the messgs u send.....nite outs 4 xam.......College days r very precious...enjoy every movement to the full extent of ur life



U r a GENIUS.... Ur Brain is a MASTER PIECE. It is Divided in two parts... LEFT & RIGHT. In the LEFT nothing is RIGHT... & In the RIGHT nothing is LEFT

Had a great time today....

went on a long drive to Ahmedabad railway station...

The most wonderful thing of all is, my driving instinct's were back....a month i lost them, wasn't able to concentrate properly.....n rode on a knife's edge...everytime i went out, i missed a minimun of 3 crashes...

but, today it different....i jus loved the drive..it jus was different...

on the way to ahmedabad..i wasn't confident of myself, so jus went slowly....

but the way back..... "i am a leaf, watch me soar in the wind!!!"
things changed....i was soaring high at 80kmph!!!

i jus couldn't belive myself...the mind...it was on the road...completely on the road!!!
i thought damn..!!! wht happend to me.....me concentrating!!! heheheeee

but the damned helment!! it ruins the vision....and the damend 'bajaj pulsar', its the worst bike i ever drove...the speed's fine....the deisgn's real bad.....u cant drive confortably with hands relaxed....my hand's pained a lot....still paining... :(

but still i enjoyed the ride....


n i cant key in more....maybe some other time


back home i gonna rock n roll wid my love...!!!!!




my love....!!!


this's during the flood's in bombay!!

This is what i started off with, when i first took the responsiblity of making the website for Synapse 2006







when i look back at these one's i feel a bit odd and embrassed.....
but happy with the fact tht i had a good guide - Ranjit Singh

this one i got the abtract of the top image from Mohit Gupta, n they reworked that a bit..


i had to put this one up, when i had to put something up, jus for the heck of it....


this one's a completely copied idea....i reworked on some website image..i happend to get from somewhere.....while i was back home...


this was the final tht went. i did NOT design the website....it was designed by Abhishek Gupta. I structured it in html n stuff n maintained it(i didn't do a gud job in maintaining it!!!)...




INTRANET


the next assignment was the intranet site for our college......
though it never went up, i donno the reasons.....probably me being a small fish....




IEEE

finally, after intranet, i got to work on the IEEE student branch's website....till now i jus designed the look..but have to still complete the website...



LIBRARY

somehow, our librarian was impressed by my work on Synapse's website..n asked me if i could volunteer to design and maintain the website for our Resource Center. and as usual i could nt say NO...n accepted the job....

m still working on the design....n lot more to go..

n now i can probably, proudly say, the only student staff in the Resource Center(though i am not paid fr my job...i still love it....)
I am the Webmaster for the Resource Center's website.





VLSI

this too, Manu Rastogi asked me to design one for the college's VLSI group..the most active research grp in our college....n again i couldn't say no....


i happened to make this one accidently....the orange streak...was actually supposed to be a small rectangle by the side.....


i did first after i was inspired by the refection works of Abhishek Gupta...n thought of using them over here....


the final one....n my first website on a public domain!!!!


And i got to work on a website for an International Conference on VLSI Design and Embedded Systems...m still working on the design....and the usability...(last year's site)
Along wid me are Naman Arora and Indira Negi to work for the entire website...nt jus the design!!







and of all the things....for wht i am today from where i started off....the only thing i had to sacrifice were my grades.....
if Manu bhayya's gonna read this he's gonna kill me!!!

Everytime i feel like holding the, only few things that i love in this world, tight and hold them forever and shield them everything and everyone else.
i jus want to keep them for myself, no one can touch them,they are mine...and only mine..

the feeling about the things u love is the most beautiful of all, it takes aways the frustation and the anger u have sometimes on them, when they don't turn or behave as u expect.....but the love u have on them, stays above all.
the anger and frustation doesn't last long....they gradually fade out...n more love builds up.....n again the next time u get angry/frustated, u get hurt....which again gradually fades out and gives in place for more love...n this recurrsion goes on!!!

inspite all this , i still ponder over many times wht actually is LOVE....????

......has finally begun his life today!!!

the new rays of hope are back!!!

Somehow, i jus managed to push back the old memories, with some help, back into past...hope they never haunt me again.....
They are the things that had taken away my hope and me from myself....
I had lost interest in life n things around...jus felt blank...n felt real bad...
Those days have been left behind...they had been the worst days of my life...
slowly they ate me away...


but, ENOUGH, i had ENOUGH.....

now it time to be back to be normal!!!


my dear lovely cutie frnds...i am back to what i am...n maybe better than what i was !!!

"be interestin to urself n 4 otherz....."

.....has been a nightmare for me!!!

Last time, i was out to Gandhinagar, i went to get mine n my frnds tickets reserved for the summer. Tht day, i jus happened to avoid crashing into others, 6 times. And back today, though i didn't drive but again it was the same. And also saw a damned jeep driver nearly bumping into a girl on a Luna.

Previously, i myself was not driving properly, maybe i was stressed a lot, and could not concentrate on the road.
But, it was always been a habit to me that, i happen to concentrate on the road more the driver himself. Even the days when i had my driving lessons, i had a tough time, it was then, when i happened to realize, what actually concentration is.

I learnt driving quite fast, within a week i was able to drive quite well. That was something that made me feel - "Do i have the spirit to be good driver???"

But these days i have nearly lost it completely. I am not able to concentrate on it, back home i donno how i am gonna handle my 'love'....(nxt week i am going home!!)

mom's always worried when i go out alone with my 'love'...
last time when i was back home, i jus happened to avoid crashing into a truck on the highway..after tht i jus don feel like driving, i don wanna hurt my love ane more..it already had lot of damage!!!


sometimes, i jus think - why don't i quit driving.....but, driving's only thing tht keeps me in myself.....the only source of happiness for me, these days.

somehow, due to the things around i have lost interest in everything, even the things that used to keep me on my toes, have gone numb.....i jus don't feel like doing anything....

certain things have occupied my brain...and it's been a though time for me.....

it's time for a break.....but donno...i can't have the break....
some other thing tells me.... ravi, u can't stop here....u gotta get what u want no matter wht....!!

but, i feel some emptiness in life, i miss someone a l...l....lo......lot....lot more than anything.....n tht someone....
i too c...c....ca.....can't figure out w..wh...wht....what happened, i jus am not able to u..un..understand!!!


it seems like me walking down a dark endless raod...which leads nowhere....!!!!!

It happens sometimes!!!

the rarest moment of my life....!!

well, this is something, that keep coming back to me again and again...

no matter how hard i try to forget it, it doesn't work!!!

have been having these 'nightmares' since a week or so.....
a lot of fear and guilt got built up into me....the fear of losing a good frnd...n tht too for no good reason....jus because of some stupididty of mine..

but, still something in me, keeps me reassured that everything would be fine and back to normal!!

but i donno when wud tht come....

Today, me sitting in my DBMS lab, and keying down this stuff.

A day more to go for the damned xams to commence and the damned examination committee decided to give our batch a 2 day break between the examination.

DAMN IT!!! ek baar saab exams rakho n khataam karo!!!!


jus happened to get the answer sheets of the mid sems we wrote long long ago....


the days are coming back the normal one's i had...except the fact that i gotta write 4 damned xams this week...
n the thing tht keeps me worried is the syllabus, it's too huge fr me to cover it up in a day or two...

still i sit here and m writing this thingie, with still a lot more things to study n cover up, but something tells me that, it's fine ravi, u can learn everything, n can score good!!!!!

HELL HOW????